“I have a case of anal glaucoma … Just can’t see my ass going to work.”

Sir Charles said this on the post-game show tonight, and we were rolling on the floor with laughter. This may be an old joke, but coming from Sir Charles it has taken on new life for us.

Tonight during the Celtics-Cavaliers game, LeBron was fouled by Paul Pierce on a fast break. The two players stumbled into the crowd and a little extracurricular activity started. A woman in the crowd got involved and started yelling at Paul Pierce and tangling with Kevin Garnett. LeBron told the woman to, er, stay out of it … That woman was none other than Lebron’s mom!

No one was wrong here: LeBron was right to tell his mom to sit her ass down. After all, this is a professional basketball game, and a playoff game at that. His mom was right because she was just exercising the same response any good mom would have. Period. (Though Leslie admits she needs to view this as a cautionary tale. Leslie has a hard time taking guff from anyone. I shudder to think what will happen the first time anyone tries to push Didion around.)

boy, am i lovin’ this holiday! it helps that didion and his daddy are so smart … they were well prepared to pamper mommy … mimosas, bacon and eggs, lots of laughs and hugs …

but bliss, at least for me, never comes without some reflection. jenna bush got married yesterday at her daddy’s “ranch” in crawford, texas. i certainly would never deny a parent’s right to feel happy and proud at his or her son’s or daughter’s marriage. i cannot help but be reminded, though, of another time the crawford ranch was front-and-center on the news front … cindy sheehan will never be able to beam with pride and love at her eldest child’s wedding … her son, casey, is, simply, no more.

so as “spectacular” as jenna’s wedding might have been, i want to hope that somewhere deep in our president’s heart or — dare i hope — brain there is some consideration for the american mothers who have lost sons and daughters in our war in iraq (and in our — more justified, yet often ignored — fighting in afghanistan). i also hope there is even one iota of consideration for the iraqi and afghani mothers whose families are innocent casualties. i suspect, though, there is no such consideration, no hope for empathy … or sympathy … or any other sort of “pathy” (excepting “sociopathy”, that is) …

i deeply support our troops. i deeply support their families. i deeply support anyone willing to sacrifice so much to serve his or her country. i will certainly and fervently support my son should he choose to build a career in the military. BUT I PUT ALL FUTURE PRESIDENTS ON NOTICE: while i support our soldiers, i do not support vanity wars, and i dare any one government leader to try to send my son on any ill-conceived mission.

that said, i am having a wonderful mother’s day. being a mom is an incredibly complicated, bittersweet vocation, but as complicated and as bittersweet as it is, it is also the most beautiful and rewarding adventure imaginable.

Ever since — and definitely during — Didion’s birth, I have been totally amazed by Leslie. She has always known just what to do and just what Didion needs, kind of like the Oracle at Delphi. I am sure I am not the first husband and father to notice this, but the mothering instinct is real and special. Every cry, every new feeding or sleeping pattern, Leslie has quickly figured out. Didion loves hanging out with her — he totally lights up when she comes back into a room, and watches wistfully as she leaves. I love seeing the two of them together — reading, singing, dancing; Leslie is always coming up with a new way to entertain him. I know how much work it is just to keep him fed and clothed and clean, adding in unique entertainment is truly a feat.

So Happy Mother’s Day to Leslie! And to our moms and sisters and grandmas, too. It is only now with Didion that I can really see what it takes to be a mom. All I can say is, “Wow!”, and thank you. I should probably apologize for all of the pooping and crying, etc.

Leslie is amazing. You have already read about many of her great culinary accomplishments. But to me, one of her most impressive skills is her ability to make a meal out of “nothing.” Often, when the refrigerator appears empty to me, she will whip something up, and we will have an excellent meal. Today was another example.

There were a couple of chicken breasts in the fridge, and to my eye, not a whole lot else. Some scraps of challah and homemade pesto emerged from the freezer. Add miscellaneous condiments, the grill, and about 20 minutes and we ended up with fantastic sandwiches. Not a combination I could have come up with, but they were so good we ate them standing up at the kitchen counter.

so as i am posting video and pictures of didion and marveling about what an amazing adventure life is, steven and i are watching bill moyers’ journal (episode airing friday, may 9, 2008). bill moyers and phillipe sands are discussing sands’ most recent book (Torture Team: Rumsfeld’s Memo and the Betrayal of American Values).

one of sands’ points is how incredulous he is that lawyers with all of their training and education and their duty to uphold constitutional protections have been able to rationalize extreme methods of interrogation as acceptable and lawful and well within the rights of the executive branch of our government to authorize. unsurprising, he discusses the deep involvement of dick cheney’s attorney, david addington, in crafting the argument rationalizing torture of prisoners at guantanamo and other sunny locales in the war on terror. (remember: attorneys represent the interests of their clients.)

sands also talks about the rebellions within the military, launched by officers who are adamantly opposed to harsh interrogation techniques: they don’t work; they endanger american military personnel worldwide; they deeply undermine american values and law.

speaking of military officers fighting most ferociously on the front lines against the bush administration to protect the rights of prisoners, i want to direct you to the story of matthew diaz, a distinguished naval officer who released the names of all of the detainees at guantanamo when it became clear the bush administration had no intention of doing same in spite of a court order requiring it. diaz got in a lot of trouble doing the right thing, but he also was awarded the 2008 ridenhour truth-telling prize. (i want to advise you, reader, against holding your breath that bush will offer a last-minute pardon to diaz.)

interestingly, bill moyers won the 2008 ridenhour courage prize, thus bringing this post full circle.

one more point: the world is a better place for people like philippe sands and bill moyers and matthew diaz. i am sorry that they are currently having to use their talents to bring to light critical issues that threaten to indelibly stain the american character, but thank god they are.

today was didion’s first bath in the regular bathtub. it seems like overnight didion grew out of his duckie tub. as with everything, didion conquered the tub with great aplomb, and he enjoyed playing with his squirt toys; though, i use “play” loosely … “chew” and “drool on” are more accurate.

yesterday evening it was family time in the pok … we were all on the couch watching sportscenter repeat itself, like, six times in one hour, when steven and i hear lips smacking. we knew it wasn’t either of us, so that left only one suspect: d-man.

and smack he did. it was pretty funny, and being the textbook first-time parents that we are, we hurriedly grabbed the video camera and oohed and ahhed as if our kid had just discovered fire.

enjoy.

i thought it worthwhile to post the follow up to yesterday’s lesson …

pure genius. (of course, original stuff here.)

***

on another front … i have been writing comments here and there on a few blogs and have realized that i am making typos all over the place. YIKES! anyone who knows me knows what a grammar freak i am (yes, in spite of the fact i write in all lowercase, except for those random intervals when i binge on all caps and exclamation points). i’m afraid people are going to think i or — worse — didion is illiterate.

enough whining … back to cleaning the bathroom and doing laundry …

lordy, do we love us some scott adams over here. his seemingly limitless ability to identify and isolate the inanity of bureaucracy and corporate operations is truly a gift to anyone living in a post-industrial world. when i saw today’s strip, i thought, “yep. that’s how it is.” but then i also had the jarring realization that dilbert’s new m.o. is exactly what dick cheney has operationalized effortlessly and unfailingly in the bush administration for the last eight years …

it’s simple. you really can make your own truth. and then you can expand deficit spending by several orders of magnitude … and launch wars that are fun for your business friends to play … and ignore with hatred and disgust any living organism that dares disagree with you …

(if this site actually got any traffic, i would likely get in trouble for posting today’s dilbert without permission. you can visit scott adams and his pantheon here; though, we at didionville sure are unhappy with the dilbert site’s new interface.)