mommy is teaching me about my body parts. right now, i am very fond of my toes. she is teaching me about my body parts so that in the event i am governor of a state (or otherwise entrusted by the public to provide leadership) i will know, for instance, where my pee-pee is AT ALL TIMES.

later my mommy is going to teach me about having priorities and a sense of responsibility. she is also going to teach me about humility and integrity. i’ll know all about these things so that, again, if i am in one of those leadership positions, i will know what decision to make when i am tempted to call an escort service and, perhaps, lose track of my aforementioned pee-pee.

shame, shame, shame.

and sad, sad, sad for his family and — in many ways — more importantly, for state of new york.